Lansing Lowdown

March 29, 2007

by Jenny Lewis

For never producing or directing a film before, and not knowing anything about making documentaries, Nancee Sobonya, the director of "Gifts of Grief," did an excellent job.

With the title drawing you in and the first scene showing serene, calm ocean waters, onlookers could only guess what they were in for. They had no idea that to come was an awakening - both uplifting and tear-jerking.

"Grief is the sudden flood of explosive light," read a short poem that started off the documentary. "The gift of feeling pain, then love, then a different pain. The moment, shattering of a life dream, a swift reminder to kiss again."

Everyone within the theater in Wells Hall during the 10th annual East Lansing Film Festival on Friday scooted to the edge of their seats.

The documentary interviewed seven people who had lost someone they loved. Whether it was a friend losing a friend, a mother losing a daughter or a son losing a mother, the film chronicled the similarities and differences they experienced in the grieving period of their lives.

Sobonya has been a grief counselor at a hospice in Oakland, Calif., for 17 years. Speaking on her inspiration to pursue a project of this magnitude, she said during a panel discussion after the film that she was "inspired by people who have lost people in hospice."

She added that "writing a book just wouldn't be the same, wouldn't give you a chance to see and feel what the people feel."

She was absolutely right.

The audience of mostly 45-year-olds and older had all experienced the death of a loved one, so the film struck a chord in their hearts.

One of the interviewees in the film said she felt trapped and full of pain after losing her daughter, and another just wanted to die after losing her husband. One man was never even taught to grieve, and looked to drugs and alcohol to suppress the feelings of grief he had experienced.

The love they expressed for the person they lost, the loss they overcame and the battle with grief they fought will serve as an awakening to anyone who has lost someone.

Leaving off with some strong words of wisdom, one interviewee said, "You don't get over death, you just get used to it."

People cried, and many people called loved ones directly following the film.

The film is a must-see and can be purchased at www.giftsofgrief.com.

Reverend Penny Swartz, the associate pastor of the Peoples Church, 200 W. Grand River Ave., gave the best synopsis of the film during the panel discussion afterward. She said she appreciated the honesty of the film.

"It recognized the myths associated with grief, like be strong and replace the loss," Swartz said.

The most powerful introduction to this film was a short documentary on a young girl diagnosed with cancer who began raising money for pediatric cancer research at the age of 4.

Young Alex Scott was a courageous girl who touched the hearts of many nationwide before her death just months after her 8th birthday in June 2004.

The 23-minute film showcased her efforts to raise money with a lemonade stand. She set a goal of $1 million and made her lemonade stand into a nationwide foundation.

Her will to help others and the strength she exerted throughout her journey to fight cancer was heartfelt.

The short film was definitely a tearjerker that would have anyone willing to support her cause. It caused moviegoers to feel as if they knew Alex, which made them choke up when they heard she died. This set the tone for the 52-minute film, "Gifts of Grief," that followed.

This combination of documentaries was extraordinary.